MEET RESISTANCE HEAD-ON. BUILD TRUST & CONNECTION.
Me: “Why have we come together? … We have come together to learn how to improve cooperation with our US business partners.” (rhetorical question + workshop objective)
Angry participant: “The question is: Why haven’t they come together to learn how to better cooperate with us!?”
Me: “That’s exactly right. Thanks, Mark. Because they haven’t come together to learn how to better cooperate with us, we have chosen to come together to learn how to...”
When Mark came at me with his angry question, I had two choices.
Meet “fire with fire” and tell him to sit down and keep his negatively to himself.
Acknowledge his observation and use it to emphasize the workshop objective.
By choosing number 2, I met Mark’s resistance head on.
I also set the tone for the next two days.
RESISTANCE 101
Here are some common beliefs about resistance:
Resistance is often a counterforce dedicated to keeping things the same. If the pain of a change is greater than the pain of the status quo, the change will likely fail.
If resistance is not addressed, it could go underground, making it more difficult to address later. The longer resistance goes unaddressed, the stronger it becomes.
Resistance is an opportunity to build trust and connection. This depends on the openness of the people involved, of course. (If someone is determined to dislike you, it’s hard to change his or her mind.)
Here’s the thing - change triggers resistance (any size or shape). Public speaking can also trigger resistance – especially when the audience has different ideas. When disguised as requests, demands definitely trigger resistance.
In my experience, a direct request is much better received than a politeness-disguised demand.
Would you feel differently if your boss said:
A) “If you have time today, could you help me with...?”, or
B) “Could you get this report to me by the end of the day?”
Not only would you feel differently, I’m sure you would make every effort to find time because of the respectful request in option A.
When you start to see resistance as an opportunity, instead of an obstacle, you start to see it as a positive force behind lasting change and trusting relationships.
Enjoying this perspective?
Q & A DANCE
Let’s look at the common situation of opening the floor to questions after you’re presented something – virtually or in person.
Here’s a typical question from an audience member wanting to A) showcase their knowledge or expertise, or B) challenge or sabotage the presenter. Possibly both.
Audience member: “Why didn’t you mention XYZ in your presentation?”
Incidentally, “why” already implies judgement.
Which option below is more likely to build trust and connection with the audience member?
Option 1: “I didn’t mention that because we didn’t have enough time to...” Defending or justifying your reason for not mentioning XYZ.
Option 2: “Yes, you’re right. What can you tell us about...?”, acknowledging that you failed to mention XYZ and invite the audience member to expand on it.
Option 2 allows the presenter to turn a potential saboteur into a resource. A potential enemy becomes an ally.
Worst case, audience member is happy to have shared his or her expertise. Best case, a trusted connection is made.
TRUST-BUILDING IN ACTION
Image you are the new boss of a team. One day, a direct report tells you that you were wrong yesterday when you said XYZ at the team meeting. You say: “It probably wasn’t the only thing I got wrong yesterday”, and then ask if s/he would let you know the next time that happens.
Not only would you happily surprise a potential “resister”, you’d also send a positive message to the wider team/s – “The new boss welcomes our questions, including criticism”.
After your next work presentation, imagine taking questions as an opportunity to create connection (1-to-1 or group).
After responding to a question you could say, “Did that make sense?” or “Did I answer your question?”
By showing you’re open to questions and other feedback, you communicate that you are interested in their full comprehension. You want them to “get it” and are confident enough to handle resistance if it comes.
Ignoring resistance doesn’t make it go away. It fuels it.
Imagine the trust you extend by encouraging people to express curiosity or concern.
What a positive message to anyone observing this interaction – or hearing about it later.
If you want to empower someone, show an interest in them. Show them that you value their opinion.
To disempower someone, don’t let them express themself. Shut them down.
Sadly, in a school and work setting, people are used to receiving short answers. Or worse, made to feel ashamed for asking.
Answering a question or addressing a concern until completion builds trust.
Incompletion destroys it.
INSIGHTS TO ACTION
Work interactions don’t need to be hard or uncomfortable.
Resistance is a force to harness, not a problem to solve.
A simple reframe is all that is required - The next time you feel resistance, treat it as an opportunity instead of a challenge
By meeting resistance head on, you disarm potential resisters and pave the way for positive lasting change.
The next move is yours.
If you’d like my individual or team support with this, let’s talk.