THE OBSTACLE IS RESILIENCE: 3 TIPS TO CREATE LASTING CHANGE
You might have heard the Zen proverb, "the obstacle is the path".
Or you might be familiar with the Stoicism principle, "the obstacle is the way" - there was a best seller with this title a few years back.
Anyone who's read a self-help book knows that within every obstacle lies an opportunity to change or improve something. (Theory easier than practice, of course)
I know this, too. Recently I was forced to revisit it, however.
On day 3 of a recent vacation I got knocked down with an unexpected illness...
Incidentally, it wasn't just any vacation.
My wife and I had been planning this trip for almost a year.
Without going into too much detail, it was in a remote place that required two flights and took place at a fairly luxurious location.
A retreat in every sense of the word.
Nevertheless, the vacation-ending illness tied me to my bed and prevented me from participating in yoga, meals, etc.
Fortunately, I had an ocean view from the bed - the ocean breeze from the open door was even better.
Long story short, I was strong enough to leave the island after losing the high fever that had plagued me for three days...
Unfortunately, I had two flights and a night near the Lisbon airport ahead of me.
But it wasn't just the lost vacation and unplanned illness that screamed at me to slow down…
After the long-awaited homecoming, I was confronted with a critical bank issue and a complex computer issue that I haven't yet sorted out - increasing the volume of the scream.
Trying to make sense of all this the last few weeks, it has become clear that my big obstacle is how I do things; more specifically, the need to slow down and find a new way of operating (going/doing/pushing).
With the image of Sisyphus in my last blog post, I wrote about "hating myself into accomplishment".
Don't get me wrong, I'm eternally grateful to the part of myself that has pushed and often played a role in past accomplishments.
Nevertheless, the recent illness and barrage of critical issues have highlighted my "obstacle".
Learning to calmly accept whatever issue comes at me is clearly the "way".
Moving away from my Sisyphean obstacle of going/doing/pushing to the calm and clarity of Buddha is resilience.
NO PUSHING REQUIRED
Over the last few months, I've been reminded of the paradox of letting go -
"Before you can move away from something, you've got to move towards it".
This is both counterintuitive and for me hard to grasp at times...
So what would it look like to move towards the obstacle instead of away from it?
Well, if I were coaching me to do this, these are the 3 TIPS I would offer:
TIP 1: Take the time you need to do things well and thoroughly. (Despite always stiving for your best, a preference for speed can lead to missed steps)
The great basketball coach John Wooden used to tell his players, “Be quick, but don’t hurry. In other words, act with purpose and efficiency without being rushed – mistakes come from rushing.
Remember the moral of the “Tortoise and the Hare”: Perseverance and consistency can overcome raw speed and natural talent, i.e. "slow and steady wins the race".
TIP 2: You can control the input, but not the output.
For example, I can choose to write for one hour (input), but that doesn’t guarantee a fully written article (output).
The sooner you can let go of the output/outcome of your endeavor, the more present you will be while doing it.
NOTHING supports your endeavor like THE POWER OF PRESENCE – writing, speaking, most any skill.
[Check out number 4 of these 6 self-empowering principles]
TIP 3: When you have a big project or something big in front of you, break it down into baby steps.
Question: How do you eat an elephant?
Answer: One bite at a time.
When you break things down into smaller, more manageable steps they become less overwhelming. Imagine standing at the base of Mt. Everest and trying to climb it in a day.
[Continue reading below the form…]
Incidentally, these 3 tips apply to everyone – not just me.
For sure they will help me navigate my current challenges, including the desired behavior change.
To create lasting change, it helps to have a clear vision of what you’re moving toward - before you can let go of something.
Imagine you’re holding on to an unloved job because of the good salary it pays…
It would be A LOT easier to let go of if you had a vision of a better-paying job that fires you up.
Some behavior changes require getting knocked down with a bad virus; others call for external motivation or someone to help you eat that elephant.
If you’d like to explore a desired behavior change and what you need to do it, let’s talk.
Drop me a note and let’s start a dialogue.