HOW REAL LEARNING ACTUALLY WORKS: 3 THINGS NO ONE EVER TOLD YOU

"Change occurs when one fully embraces who they are in the present, not by trying to change or become someone different. "

Arnold Beisser nailed this basic human principle when he coined “The Paradoxical Theory of Change” 55 years ago.

Active in People Development for over two decades, here are two things I’ve learned about change in connection with human behavior:

• The best way I can help someone make a change is to encourage them to fully embrace the whole of who they are.

• Once they fully experience themselves as they are, integration and change occurs naturally.

When you learn, you grow.

When you grow, you develop.

Learning is synonymous with both in this article.

Early on in my coaching career I tried hard to be a salesman.

I was part of a Business Development team for three years, actually.

Still, sales.

I wasn't bad, but not great.

I even had some success, despite repeatedly falling short of my overly-ambitious sales objectives.

The truth is - I was trying to be something I was not.

When playing against your authentic self, you might have success in the short run.

It won't last.

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If you want to grow an under-developed area or make a behavior change, it helps to learn about it first.

Another conclusion I've made after years observing myself and others striving for lasting change is this:

Real learning comes from direct experience.

I'm talking about the kind where you don't need notes to remind yourself of what you learned.

There's no better way to learn about childbirth than giving birth.

Of course, you can learn all about it and become a kind of second hand authority.

But, without going through it yourself you can never truly understand what it means to carry a baby for nine months.

Similarly, you can read every book in the world about Kung Fu.

But until engage in combat, your skills will be all theory and no practice.

Practical experience trumps theory.

Every time.

BOOKWORM OR BRUCE LEE

Motivation also plays a big role in learning.

Have you ever had to study for something that bored you to tears?

What was that like?

I've learned two languages in my life – German and Japanese.

I lived in Japan for over two years, in Germany for almost 25.

No, I’m not a WWII buff.

I did have a year of French at university but never got a chance to practice it in France…

I doubt I'd have learned German or Japanese without the practical experience of interacting with locals.

A close relative of English, you would to think that German would be a lot easier to learn than Japanese - a language with two alphabets and thousands of Chinese characters.

Not for me.

My heart wasn't in it.

Speaking Japanese was like floating down a river, German like painting a house.

This experience highlighted the relationship between motivation and learning.

Here are 3 things no one ever told you about how real learning actually works (with DO & DON’TS):

1) Make sure your desired change is aligned with who you are now.

🟢DO: Embrace your strengths and passions (see no. 3)
🔴DON’T: Pursue something because of someone else’s wish (friend, boss, partner)

2) Get real, direct experience of what you pursue

🟢DO: Talk to people who have done it (if experience not possible)
🔴DON’T: Call yourself an expert (even if you do have experience)

3) Pursue things that interest and excite you

🟢DO: Make sure your head and heart are aligned
🔴DON’T: Choose reason and logic over instinct and intuition

FYI - The body never lies (gut, heart).

The benefits of learning and experiencing something new extend far beyond making a change or developing a behavior.

It helps you build resilience.

If you’d like to explore a desired change and what you need to do it, let’s talk.

Drop me a note.